The Truth Shall Set You Free So Don’t Be Such A Crybaby

This blog was created with the intention of posting complete randomness at any given time. I think in sarcastic, witty and snarky abstracts so that is most likely what you will see but there will also be the occasional rant or semi-heartfelt post of more randomness.  It’s basically a free-for-all and I would love it if you would have a look around and if you see what you like please comment and be social!  Maybe even click the follow button just sayin……

Life Is Too Serious Already…Relax

Life being what it is we all know it is full of stress and traps of opportunity for stress and anxiety and negativity and even though I am a total smart ass I like to keep my message inspirational from time to time.  When you are smack in the eye of the hurricane it can be extremely hard to just relax and not take everything so seriously.  Have a drink, eat a cookie, grab some sex, smoke a cancer stick, or do everyone around you a favor and take a pill or two but in the meantime soak up these truths and try not take it all so seriously:

• Life in itself is just crazy and ridiculous – If you really look around and do some people watching you will find all kinds of interesting characters conforming to all kinds of crazy society rules and habits (or not conforming).  If you can just stop and have a laugh or a giggle at some random human behavior then you’ve taken some serious off your plate for the day.
• Our relationships are what matter – No matter what kind of stress and drama life is putting you through, at the end of the day if you still have your loved ones and friends then don’t give so much serious focus to that outside stress and drama. Have a laugh with some friends, get some love from your kids, reminisce with family. These are the memories that will matter, the other crap will pass eventually.
• Worrying is pointless – one of my favorite sayings goes something like this; worrying is like a rocking chair as it will give you something to do but it won’t get you anywhere. So find something else to do!
• You’re not here forever – in the grand scheme of things you will not live forever and do you want to make this life one of complete worry, negativity and stress or do you want to relax a little and find the silly and the joy in things. It is definitely easier said than done but since you only get one life it’s worth working on.

10 Suggestions For Life Success

And by success I do not mean become the next Bill Gates and have money coming out your ass. By success I mean just being able to live your life well to the point that you are happy, confident, secure in who you are and living the best version of your life that you can.

Here’s a few tips I’ve personally picked up over the years through falling on my face and learning how to get back up:

1. If you get married or commit to a long-term relationship, make sure it is most definitely with someone that you can live with for the next handful of decades. Don’t jump in with both feet hoping to change that person or expecting higher standards than what the relationship holds now.  Our choice in life partner can hold a lot of weight on our mental and emotional status in life
2. Work in something you love and have a passion for. Just working to pay the bills will likely leave you feeling empty later on down the road.  If it isn’t something you can do right away then make it a hobby while you work toward making it a career.  Don’t give up
3. Learn how to forgive not only others but also yourself. Shit happens so learn from it, forgive and move on
4. Be generous when you can. Give back to others, volunteer, and just generally put good manners out in to the universe
5. That definition of respect your mother taught you (or should’ve taught you) should always be in place. Treat others how you want to be treated.  Go forth and be respectful as much as you can.  Don’t be a doormat for others who would abuse your kindness but as a general rule be someone that gives out respect
6. Never stop improving or evolving as a person. This does not mean you have to run out and get a college degree or win a prize for being awesome.  Just never stop reading, learning, researching, asking questions and evaluating what kind of person you want to be.  We are never too old to learn something
7. Get it in your head that actual happiness does not come from money and possessions. Yes these things are cool and important in their own way but real happiness comes from liking who you are, doing what you love, and having relationships that are meaningful and important to you
8. Be someone who is loyal, practices integrity and can be honest
9. Don’t be afraid…..don’t be afraid of starting over, going after a dream, asking for what you want, doing what you want. We only get one life and too often we let fear rule and make our decisions for us.  Figure out what you want and go get it one step at a time
10. Be grateful and try to stay positive whenever possible. Like a schoolyard bully, life is going to kick your ass many times.  Giving in to those moments and letting them take you down permanently will not get you anywhere.  Even though it is hard to get up sometimes it is in those exact moments that you need to remember you are still alive and you still have a chance to get up and live

 

Parenting…..It’s Like Underwear Really

 
Full Briefs – they’re safe, sturdy, provide full coverage and then some, and often called the “granny” of the panty world.  Much like an overbearing, hovercraft parent these underwear cover your parts in a blanket of ugly security.  They both mean well and provide comfort but sometimes it is ugly and just too much and they need to branch out of their full coverage safety net to realize there is room for a little negotiation, risk and breathability in life

Hi Cut Briefs – just a step away from their full brief counterpart the hi-cut brief dares to step outside of the ugly just a tad to reveal a bit of flexibility while still maintaining a foundation of overbearing comfort composure.  Much like the parent who allows their child to have space only if they will check in every 5 minutes or agree to have a GPS installed in their neck, these underwear give the illusion of breathing room and a fun hip style.  They desperately want to be cool and not lumped in with the ugly overbearing nature of full briefs but they just can’t quite stop themselves from being part of the ugly and overbearing

Bikinis – they’re a bit low cut, a little more risky and adventurous but they still provide a solid hugging environment for your no-no areas.  Much like parents that dabble in the cool and unhindered parenting world allowing their kids to make choices such as dressing like a mis-matched thrift shopping Asian for school, bikini underwear are somewhat liberal and ride the uber high cut path to covering what needs to be covered

Thongs – the ultimate daring close cousin to going commando, thongs provide little to no coverage at all while also providing little to no comfort.  Much like the humility level and parenting skills of a Kardashian, thongs speak for themselves

Happy

Most people graduate high school with grand dreams or goals they have for their adult life and they cannot wait to start living it. Only once they get in and start living it, the living piece goes away only to be replaced by obligation, responsibility, and sacrifice to the adult Gods.  The years go by and one’s sense of self often fades under the blanket of being an adult until they realize that there is now a misery to life…..A dread.  As adults we think it all has to be about work and parenting and being a good spouse but let me tell you that if you lose YOU then you’re not living.  Is happiness found in exercising, going out for happy hour, reading, writing, art, volunteering, sports, family or any other activity you no longer do because you are an adult with adult responsibilities?

Figure out what fuels your passion, what puts a smile on your face and do it more often even if it is just once or twice a week.  Happiness is not just for special people, it is for all of us if we are willing to pull our heads out of the lazy dark clouds and actually go get it.

Facebook Reactions We Should Have At Our Disposal

I saw an article today that Facebook is considering adding a dislike button because there has been such an emphasis on this idea in their suggestion box.  As most of you know I have a total love/hate relationship with Facebook because although it entertains me, allows me to keep in touch, and allows me to have a personal space to say and do what I want online it also breeds complete stupidity and gives fucktards everywhere a forum to spread their lamness.  I am pretty strict with my rule of denying friend requests from people that I know will irritate me but like everyone else I still have a small few that grace my feed with their brand of idiocy every now and then.

So with this potential for a dislike button (which I am all for by the way) I started to think what other options would be great to have available as clickable social reaction buttons to posts.  I would love to see some, if not all, of the following:

• That’s stupid
• Who says that?
• Nobody cares….seriously nobody
• Are you serious?
• Please shut the hell up
• We get that you have no self-esteem and need to fish for attention constantly but do us all a favor and chill on the attention whoring
• Fuck you
• No just no
• WTF?

I can only imagine how quickly “friends” lists and pseudo social relationships would clear up and out if some truth buttons were installed on Facebook 🙂

What buttons would you choose to see?

Girl Power

You’re never too old to learn that girl power exists. Women grow babies, give birth, raise future adults, keep households managed, work, and otherwise multi-task at 100 other things. Learn that you are strong, teach your daughters and sister and nieces so that they never question their ability based on their gender. Girl power exists!

The Office Thermostat aka The New Hunger Games

When you work in an office setting I think having to mesh with others residing in the office is the hardest piece to deal with.  I don’t generally like many people so you can imagine the limitations set upon me while working in an office.  As of late the issue has been the office thermostat which is like a lord of the flies, survival of the fittest kind of game.

It’s like being in the wild where the larger animals and majority rule.  My office primarily being boys who apparently have an inner furnace makes for a daily artic adventure without the adventure part.  Sitting for eight hours while the air conditioner blows in the winter time is not my idea of a functional work environment.  And mind you I know it’s not my house where I am likely to be comfortable all the time, I have sweaters and even a light jacket I will put on but do you see the apes trying to bring in a desk fan or wear short sleeves?  Not likely because they rule the school, the sweaty boy to even temperature girl in this place is pretty steep.

News flash losers, you do not work alone in a building that could double as a ghost town, there are actual live humans that reside in the office all day long with you.  Take a menopause pill, drink some cold water, bring in a fan, dress for summer, put some ice in your pants just chill the fuck out on the air conditioner.  When my hands are so cold I can use them as cold presses to relieve the bags under my eyes this is a problem…..

I Don’t Even Like Birds But…..

Because I am too lazy to write a post this week and this made me literally giggle out loud 🙂

 

What’s In My Believe Bag

What to believe in……that is quite open ended now isn’t it?

I am sure the standard or expected response from people is normally something along the lines of my kids, my family, my faith, love, good people…….Well those are all lovely answers but let’s face it this topic is a bit hard to nail down!  So because I am a natural envelope pusher I am going to do my own thing and tell you what I do believe:

I believe that everything truly does happen for a reason but the reason isn’t usually clear right away….I believe laughing is amazing and good for the soul….I believe rude people who act like they were never taught manners or have no common sense really piss me off….I believe hanging with friends and family is a necessary “to do” in life….I believe alcohol is amazing….I believe rainy, cloudy days rule and too much sun sucks….I believe you can never stop learning or stop growing as a person….I believe that being open minded and non judgmental opens the world up for you and makes it a more interesting place….

I believe amazing scenery is a gift….I believe photography makes for a happy me….I believe in being opinionated and verbally gifted….I believe in loyalty to my friends and family….I believe food is one of the most amazing joys….I believe an abstract, dark, snarky, witty, sarcastic sense of humor is the way to go….I believe in having a big heart but being wise with it….I believe I am a poster child for my aries horoscope….I believe drama at my age is ridiculous and it should go elsewhere….I believe with age comes a sense of comfort with ones self….

I believe in finding the spirituality that works for you….I believe in forgiveness and second chances….I believe that life’s kicks and stumbles are what make me stronger….I believe in my complete love/hate relationship with human beings….I believe karma fully exists and works in mysterious ways….I believe brownies are the best chocolate product ever made and were put here to bring joy….I believe that gentlemen are a dying breed and my work to raise my boys as gentlemen is a daunting task….I believe that writing and blogging keeps me sane and happy….

I also believe I’m likely to not blog tomorrow or maybe even the next day as I will be happily induced in to my food coma and PJ’s so don’t miss me too much and don’t let anyone ruin your food coma holiday 🙂

I Want To Like People….

Contrary to popular belief I really do want to like people, be a people person, help and encourage people, break out of my social cocoon, entertain people, widen my social network, meet people, be someone people want to read and listen to, and know lots of great people in my lifetime……….. 

But then I turn on the news or flip through social feeds and see riots, people of Wal-Mart, Kardashian body parts, “real” housewives, updates about people’s kids and their poop schedule, celebrity divorces, selfies and I think to myself…………..relocation seems promising…………